Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
