We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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