Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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