I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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