I just made out with a guy for $7.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
worst night to have a conscience
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
