We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
