I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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