i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
