1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
