My first STD was from a foam party
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
