bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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