Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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