I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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