imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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