if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
