His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize