btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
