You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
