she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize