just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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