So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
