I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
