dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
