And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
