He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
