it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
