so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize