the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
