Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
These tits shall not be calmed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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