i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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