You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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