I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
