WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
