Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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