just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
