I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
