is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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