if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
