i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
