so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
