u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
