dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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