just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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