can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
