I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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