There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
