If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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