He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
