Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
