ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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