hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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