i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
