WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have demons in me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
