What did we do last night that was yellow?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
