I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
