FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
