Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
