hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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