you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
