some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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