Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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