"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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