he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
