It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
