The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
