PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I could make wine with my vomit
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
