textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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