"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
