Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
